Chaplog tries hard

A difficult decision

Families have rules. We have a set that can be used when either parent decides that "holiday rules apply". In practice "holiday rules" mean that you go to bed when you want, eat what you want, do what you want unless it causes severe stress to the rest of the family. You see the flaw, it is a little bit like the LBW law in cricket, open to interpretation and requires people with the respect of Dickie Bird or Nelson Mandela to be observed without question.

this picture becomes relevant to the tale - read on.

I could not claim severe stress today even though we went to the beach. I do not like beaches unless it is cool, the sand hard and you can run on them. I particularly do not like them if you have to sit on them when it is hot and sunny. Others disagree. I tried the injured right arm card – cannot swim or carry heavy loads – but to no avail I got the rucksack and a polystyrene belly board. I could also claim lack of sleep due to what happened last night.

Last night was a problem. Some men do not go through the night without needing to make a visit. I need to go in the night and sometimes I make two visits. When you are in a strange house you make a mental note of where the facilities are, the route to get to them and possible hazards etc. Which is exactly what I did when we arrived. After two nights we moved to a different bedroom and this time I did not do the research. It is arriving in a new house that triggers the reconnaissance response and I had already been in the house for two days.

I woke up at four in the morning. It was very dark and before I got out of bed I knew this was going to a challenge. I like a challenge. I had an advantage though, I had slept in this room four years ago and I knew one of the hazards. The toilet door, when open, forms a barrier across the corridor and even though you have opened the bedroom door you are liable to walk into a second door. I have done that and it hurts. So I was feeling relatively confident. By the way it is a matter of pride that you never turn the light on in these circumstances- in this case I had not a clue where they were anyway. Anyway hands out stretched, completely nude, shuffling along in the pitch darkness I edged out of the bedroom finding myself in a second bedroom nearly immediately. I had passed the toilet, distances were smaller than I remembered. On the return trip hands outstretched as before I found the toilet. Light on, job performed, the challenge was over or so I thought. I just had the hand on the bed, traverse around, and get in, nice and warm and back to sleep.

The points to note in the following pictures are the latch failing to clear the bent metal catch even though it as high as it can possibley go. The bent catch. If force has been used it would have opened. He wasn't to know!

Anyway I had closed the bedroom door on leaving the bedroom as I knew when I turned the light on in the bathroom I would wake partner up and get grief in the morning. Found the door, lifted the latch, bastard it would not open. Tried once, twice and then leant on the door and lifted the latch, Still no movement. OK what are the options? Knock on the door until she awakes and tell her I have locked myself out of the bedroom and what if daughter hears me first? Sleep next door? Yes must be the best option.

What I forget with the fear of waking the house is that I have no clothes and I wake up two hours earlier than everybody else. So I am asked in the morning "why are you wearing the trousers that you wore when you sat in the sheep shit and a fleece and no shirt? I now have a series of bites. Sheep ticks?

Posted by mikec at August 3, 2003 10:49 PM